Tough Pig Incredible Journey

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Day Four Still Continuing (June- July 2002)

George Lucas 'literally made the joke that Yoda is the love child of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy."' Scott 640.1

"This week's topic: The five stages of making a Muppet website -- Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Which stage are YOU at? " Danny 645.1

"Is there still going to be an Internet in 2004? I never plan ahead that far. What if the giant bugs take over? " Danny 645.11

The first Tough Pigs Dictionary:
"Classic Sesame Street Fan" : noun, see Psychobrat
"C'est la Vier" : phrase, expressing the unique sensation that one feels when a Muppet Central staff person comes over to your yard to pick a fight with you and then acts surprised when he is not received warmly
"Bling Bling Muthafuckas" : phrase, which roughly translates to "I apologize for calling you a whining child"
"Kynan Barker" : noun, a mythological creature with the head of an Australian and the body of a lion
"Psychobrat" : noun, see Classic Sesame Street Fan
645.21 Danny

"Maybe it's American humour, but I didn't know if you were being sarcastic or just plain weird..." Warrick 647.3

"If The Muppet Christmas Carol songs start to grow on you, seek medical help." D. W. 650.6
"Hey now! 'One More Sleep Till Christmas' grew on me. It took forever to wash it off though... " Jackie 650.7

"Christ, I looked like Chewbacca after a facial shave at that age." Daniel 652.8

'"What am I still doing online? I've got Muppets to play with!" - that seems like it might make a not-too-shabby ToughPigs motto in itself!' D. W. 653.8

"Well, sure, if you post here that there's some interesting news posted at MC, then, yeah, it's my job as a responsible Muppet journalist to bite the bullet and go and read MC. It's not easy, it's not fun, and it makes me vaguely sick to my stomach, but I do it, because I take my responsibilities seriously.
But I don't do it for recreational purposes, and I don't inhale." Danny 656.7

"I get my news sources the old-fashioned way. I buy them on Ebay." Danny 656.8

"When you're bitter about Marty, you're pretty much bitter for life." Danny 660.5

Sung to the tune of "HAPPINESS HOTEL"
Welcome to "MUPPET FIGURE HELL”
"You’ve finally found those figures
One day in your local store
You whip out your used credit card
Then rush right out the door
At home you tear open the packing
And then things do not seem well
Well welcome all, to “MUPPET FIGURE HELL!”
First you undo all those twist-ties
Then you blurt out “What the F—K?”
You try to move the arms and legs
But all the limbs are stuck!
And the paint hasn’t quite dried yet
And it has this funny smell
Well welcome all, to “MUPPET FIGURE HELL!”
WELCOME ALL! WELCOME ALL!
FRANKLY, HAVING WAITED ALL THIS TIME WE”RE REALLY UP THE WALL!
Now the Kermit’s leaning over till his face touches the floor
The Bunsen feels real sticky and
Teeth’s hat falls off once more
And the Piggy-HA! Forget it! It doesn’t look like her too well!!
Well, welcome all to “MUPPET FIGURE HELL!”
Look! There’s a splice! Look! There’s a spew!
If they screwed these figures up this much, Dear God help series two!
They got every kind of paint-splotch
They got every kind of smear
But they’re still the best-looking figures that we’ve ever seen appear!
As to how the others come out
We just hope they’ll break the spell
And get us out of “MUPPET FIGURE HELL!”
Please rescue us.. FROM “ MUPPET FIGURE HELL!!” Smig 662.1

"Apparently, on Altavista, if you search for "miss piggy AND kermit AND sex" -- Tough Pigs comes up as the first result. I can only hope that that person was satisfied with what they found on TP. " Danny 673.1

"I was having visions of invisible Muppets (trickier than it sounds) showing up on eBay. Buyer: "But the package appears empty." Seller: "That's because it's the all new must have Exclusive Invisible Emperor Penguin from Muppet Classic Theater's Emperor's New Clothes!" "
Travis 681.6

Muppet anagrams by Danny:
"The Great Muppet Caper = Purge cheap re-attempt
The Muppets Take Manhattan = Amen! That ham kept apt tunes.
The Muppet Christmas Carol = Much atmospheric splatter" 694.1 (funn-ee thread)

"Wow. Somehow seeing Baby Bear's disembodied head for sale is both morbid AND satisfying at the same time. " Smig 696.16

"Yeah, and as usual, Republicans choose the most amazing targets to pick on -- sick people and Elmo. Well done.
Next, they'll courageously take on the impending threat of bunnies, crossing guards and people with head injuries. " Danny 699.4

"It's got an intelligent metal-eating space weed, and that's got to count for something. "
Danny 701.3

"I always thought that if there's one SS character likely to give you inappropriate diseases it must be Elmo. You just don't know where he's been... " Julia 702.4

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